:lovers:
Wednesday, April 19, 2006 || Not the same piggy anymore... Locking up myself
Today i relie have no energy or strength to do anything.. Today is PJ's b'dae we went KBOX together.. and juli went too.. hehe so excited but i'm so sorry today i kept very quiet... Even though i know i'm not 1 who can be very quiet.. maybe becoz too exhuasted already ba.. didnt rest well for the past 2 days...
Tml starts lesson at 1300 and ends at 2000 but i nid to wake up early to work.. have to tahan until weekend then can rest well.. Haiz.. so exhausted.. I feel myself have becoming more weird i don know y.. juz feel tat.. I'm veri quiet not the usual me who is very noisy that jumps here and there. Maybe becoz of all the things that are happening around me... Too much for me to handle alone.. Some of the things i started to hack care and ignored already since words r spreading faster than i tot... I cant depend on any1 but me,myself and I.. Since u like it in this way, juz let it be...
Perphaps it a good thing ba.. Right now i feel myself likes to be alone and keep everything to myself.. not like the past where i likes to share.. I don mind suffer in slience becoz it only me who knows what is going on n there's nobody i can turn too.. The smiles on my face is getting lesser and of coz the cheerful me have disappear maybe for the time being or forever i wun know... I m too exhausted to handle things that are out of hands, i cant predict things that are going to happen.. All i can say is burden on me is ok.. Totally no strength to talk and i dun wish to talk so much..i rather listen to my mp3 and do my works...
Ok lo.. Past is past wat can i say ?? I don wish to deceive myself anymore, i know PJ n Juli will scold me it not the noisy piggy anymore.. Locking myself in my own paradise ba... I'm not trying to say tat i noble to carry what was left for me to handle.. but i rather hurtz myself rather than hurting another person.. Hope u will understand... I know i can chose to be happy but for the time being juz let me be .... Let u explain whateva u wan to others, coz i shall not let this bothers me anymore too tiring for me to explain already... Likes doesnt mean have to b together s long s i know u r happy is already sufficient... (^-^) anyway its not the first time tat this kind of things happen on me... so juz let it b... My frenz understands is already good enough for me... I juz nid their understanding other people i don even wanna to care.. None of my piggy biz...
Sliently accept everything as long as i know i didnt hurtz any1 is fine with me already.. Having terrible margraine today until i cried during KBOX session.. hehe..tink i dont intend to celebrate my b'dae le.. I going on my break soon, somewhere i can relie unwind myself, relax and where i belong to the nature... I'm so sorry to PJ n Juli i know u all care for me i appreaciate it alot.. for the meanwhile just let me be.. dun bother about me i juz wish to b alone.. i dun even wan to step out of my house for once .... How i wish i can b like last time when i was so carefree??? I do miss but wat to do... Ciao ~!~!
Rui Qin |Wednesday, April 19, 2006
=================================================================